Breaking Up is Hard to Do?: Yumi’s Cells
Poster used courtesy of TVING (TvN)
_________________________Spoilers__________________________
In the winter of 2021 (one of the worst on record), I had the unfortunate experience of having short-term subletters move into the apartment below me. The apartment was tiny; they were young and had never lived outside their respective family homes before. They were loud and generally disrespectful. The province was under lockdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic and as I was working from home and basically sequestered to my apartment. The situation did not go well. There was tension, anger, and frustration on my part and I imagine on theirs as well. By the time they departed and my old neighbour returned, I was a mess. Not only had I been stressed out by their behaviour for four months (so much so that I was often sleeping in my living room); I had final papers due for a part-time MSW that I was enrolled in; I was in the middle of a job transition; I was unsuccessfully searching for a vaccine appointment (despite having to work with the public); my oldest friend had just been diagnosed with cancer; and there were more things going on that I can’t be bothered to share here. By the end of April, I became so overwhelmed that I didn’t sleep for five days. At first, I thought I was fine because I wasn’t tired and I was able to “write” my papers at all hours (even though the quality of the writing was so poor and I didn’t have the cognitive ability to judge its poverty) but I managed to recover a bit with some good chats with friends and family as well as an emergency sleeping pill prescription.
My schedule remained packed though and I needed to press on. Ultimately, I bandaged up my emotional life as best as I could to cobble together some semblance of normalcy so I could keep performing my regular tasks. In doing so, I never fully reconciled with how overwhelmed and sad I’d been. Intellectually, I made sense of things that had happened but I never really felt them (see de Azevedo Hanks 2016, Chapter 5). Under capitalism, feelings are often situated as indulgent, so exploring them may be deemed time-consuming and ‘unproductive’ (see Ahmed 2004, p. 163). My inability to process my feelings during this time had significant consequences though. By October of that same year, which marks the anniversary of a terrible breakup/eviction from several years prior, I was right back to where I was during that last week of April…but this time I had the benefit of watching Yumi’s Cells.
Korean dramas are known for their emotional sophistication; they draw viewers in with well-placed tension amidst complex narratives to explore the richness of the characters’ emotional life. Even, and almost especially, villains are offered understanding but no forgiveness for allowing their unchecked emotions to cause harm. Yumi’s Cells, which is a kdrama that was released in September 2021, places emotions front and centre by making them the drama’s “stars.” In a world where social media has limited our identities to snapshots and tweets; seeing individuals represented as complex entities was refreshing to me. It was also deeply familiar and comforting to see different aspects of the same person often in conflict with one another (discussion and debate occur most often between the Reason Cell and the Emotion Cell in Yu-mi’s interior life). Different perspectives, and arguably, truths about situations and relationships are revealed in these discussions. Also, the drama neatly depicted how emotional confusion can lead to unnecessary suspicions as well as awkward and disappointing interactions. Whether intentional or by accident, the very concept of reality is challenged by the representation of competing perceptions.
Kim Yu-mi! (Photo Courtesy of Soompi)
The drama stars Kim Go-eun, as the titular character Yu-mi, who is one of the few actresses who remains likeable even in her most awkward and unlikeable moments. Her performances are always compelling but somehow remain incredibly understated. Her ability to display quiet passion has made her a coveted actress in South Korea. The drama revolves around Yu-mi’s regular life and pursuit of creative, professional and romantic success in her early 30s. What is unusual about the drama is that half of it is animated to represent Yu-mi’s rich interior life and decision-making process through different cellular characters such as Detective Cell, Housekeeping Cell (who’s pretty distracted), Fashion Cell, Sensual Cell and numerous others. This is not the type of drama that I would usually go for but I think the autumn is the perfect time for whimsy as the days shorten and work tasks begin to pile up after the summer. The drama’s approach to showing an individual’s interior life is not wholly novel and is deeply reminiscent of the animated film, Inside Out (2015), which highlights the importance of sadness and grief in processing life’s challenges because attempts to feel “good” all the time are not actually pleasant or possible. Yumi’s Cells navigates more adult themes by allowing different aspects of her psyche to interact with each other through conversation and conflict with the intent of guiding, and sometimes, inhibiting Yu-mi’s actions.
The Cells! (Photo Courtesy of HanCinema)
Emotions are often misunderstood, particularly in Western culture, as something to be relegated to the private sphere because they are thought to compromise an individual’s reason through irrational “reactions” (see Ahmed 2004, p. 3). Yet, when I reflect back on my bouts of insomnia in April and October, I don’t recall feeling stressed. I felt the opposite. I was numb because I was so saturated with emotion that I was no longer able to sleep. Yumi’s Cells depicts this exact type of emotional paralysis by placing her primary cell, the “Love cell”, in a coma following a terrible breakup that had occurred years prior. Her obtuse and arrogant ex-boyfriend (played by Lee Sang-yi like a cameo pro) left her for another woman who we later find out that he’s now about to marry. Despite her Love Cell being unresponsive, her secondary cells have regrouped and stepped in to ensure that Yu-mi is able to function as a competent and well-respected colleague and friend. Despite appearances though, Yu-mi is far from okay.
At the drama’s outset, she develops a crush on a queer colleague (Shinee’s Minho) whose interest in her she obviously misunderstands for affection. He actually wants to set her up with his best friend, Gu Woong (played by Ahn Bo-hyun) on a blind date. Gu Woong is one of the greatest male leads of all time. He is eccentric and frank making him equal parts charming and frustrating. Truthfully, I had only seen Ahn Bo-hyun once before playing the psychotic son of Itaewon Class’ villain, Jang Geun-won. I found him a convincing felon, and even impressive, considering that I had read that it was one of his first roles. I had never looked for him again though. He is a completely different fellow in this drama, and in my opinion, was much better in this role than his character in the much lauded My Name, which is a clichéd gangster drama released on Netflix during Yumi’s run. Woong is a game developer, and therefore, has a much different emotional life from Yu-mi, a mid-level accounting clerk (although closet creative). His reactions are often negotiated through a control center and he has developed algorithms to make life’s decisions. His interior landscape is very different from the free-spirited community of cells which reside in a quaint village located within Yu-mi’s psyche. Despite the pain of her past relationships, his earnest warmth wins her over and the two begin dating. There is a particularly poignant scene where Woong’s Love Cell, disguised as a frog (a symbol of their first date), sneaks into Yu-mi’s village which is on lockdown from any “intruders” and mops up the remnants of an emotional breakdown that she had after their first date; and saves a marooned Love Cell in the process.
Gu Woong! (Photo Courtesy of Soompi)
Throughout the series, their differences are attractive to one another, with Woong appreciating Yu-mi’s creativity and sweetness and Yu-mi appreciating Woong’s organization and honest forthrightness (and also his cleanliness). The primary difference between Yu-mi and Woong can be explained through their “weekly ratings” which rank things or people in their daily life from least to most importance. Anything from their friends to chores to dumplings could appear on this list. For Yu-mi, it is always Woong who sits at the top of her weekly rankings thereby placing herself as second on the list. This drama presents Yu-mi as a successful and well-liked person but also as someone who is genuinely clingy in her romantic relationships. She routinely prioritizes her partners over herself, which leads to her frequent disappointment and insecurity. For Woong, the number one spot on his list is always himself. This ranking does not mean that he does not care deeply for others but he remains his priority. I don’t fault Yu-mi for her ranking. Women are often socialized to and rewarded for putting others first, especially if they want to enjoy “satisfaction” in heterosexual relationships. There are expectations placed on women to be cute (feminine, delicate and flirty); cool (not demanding!); and available (when their partners need them or want them around). Women’s wants and desires often take second place in hetero relationships and their dreams are otherwise pursued when their caretaking is done, which in some cases, happens very rarely or not at all.
At the beginning of the drama, Yu-mi frequently feels annoyed and intimidated by her colleague Ruby (played by Lee Yu-bi) whose performances of cuteness are cringeworthy but seem to be well-received, especially by members of the opposite sex. Woong, however, is immune to these “charms” and marvels out loud to Yu-mi about Ruby’s immaturity. This solidifies her affection for Woong and she feels more comfortable and confident being herself. Nonetheless, Yu-mi struggles with the burden of being cool given Woong’s friendship with his female colleague, Seo Sae-yi (played by Park Ji-hyun) whom she is deeply suspicious of. These feelings are not without merit. As his best female friend, Sae-yi routinely tries to complicate Woong and Yu-mi’s relationship by creating conflict and engaging in territorial behaviour. Sae-yi has no real interest in Woong but she is aware of his previous feelings for her and has long since used him as a “backup” romantic relationship to relieve her loneliness. After Sae-yi moves into Woong’s apartment building to be closer to him, an argument between her and Yu-mi ensues. Instead of being embarrassed or muting herself to appear less difficult, Yu-mi’s ranking changes and she puts herself first. She tells Woong that he is a good person and cautions him that Sae-yi will eventually ruin all his relationships for her selfish gain. As she turns to leave, it appears that Woong sides with Sae-yi (emotional fake-outs are the cornerstone of this drama), however, the frustration he expresses is at himself for not addressing the toxic dynamic earlier. He draws the line with his colleague and their personal and professional relationship end.
Yu-mi’s boldness in putting herself first also coincides with the expression of her care for Woong. While I think this is one of the finer moments in the drama that is executed with a delicate touch; I am still a little disappointed by how the secondary relationships are portrayed. This is not a criticism of this drama alone, but as a viewer, I find myself wishing that the biggest problem in much of Yu-mi’s relationships wasn’t the meddling of another woman. While I understand that competition exists between women, usually to serve the patriarchy, it would be nice to watch a drama where women are not trying to undermine each other. Seo Sae-yi, while understandably serving as the villain of the series, is represented rather one dimensionally with her interior life represented as a stark and eerie desert landscape. She seems like a collection of “bad” feelings more than a real person. Yu-mi’s lack of female companionship in the drama is also pretty noticeable, with her only friend outside of work being portrayed as an unsupportive shrew who seems to revel in Yu-mi’s unhappiness. I am also uncomfortable with how often friendships between men and women are represented as “impossible” or more complicated than they actually are. The inability for men and women to be friends in this drama is amplified by her relationship with work colleague, Yu Ba-bi (played by Got7’s Jinyoung), a soft spoken “face genius” who works for the marketing department. Amidst the break-up of his relationship, he befriends Yu-mi and encourages and compliments her writing, and eventually, finds her a position in the marketing department where she is able to use her skills for the company. His interest in Yu-mi, however, is not entirely professional as illustrated by the numerous intimate comments he makes about Yu-mi during their friendship. Yu-mi (along with other work gossips) senses his interest but she dismisses his feelings given he has a girlfriend even though he routinely uses her as a sounding board for his dissatisfaction. The ability for hetero men and women to be friends (she actually develops a lovely friendship with her queer colleague) without complication is never critically addressed in the drama which I think infantilizes Yu-mi’s character to some degree and undermines the show’s exploration of emotional maturity and growth in romantic relationships.
Despite the setback with Sae-yi which occurs mid-season, Woong and Yu-mi’s relationship regains its footing and the two even move in together when Woong loses his apartment due to financial duress. As weeks pass, the topic of marriage eventually comes up with Yu-mi very keen on the possibility. Woong is as well but responds to her queries by saying that he needs more time to consider their future together. He is deeply worried and somewhat ashamed of his precarious financial status though he never discloses this to Yu-mi. His concern (and pride) over money is a bit excessive and he insists on leaving the place where they co-habitate to prove his independence and worth. This creates a tremendous rift in their relationship. It is not the first time his cautious behaviour has led to confusion, when Yu-mi considers taking a new position, he appears less than supportive as “taking chances” is exceptionally frightening for him. As a result of his departure, Yu-mi’s anxiety and confusion continues to grow and her Love Cell ponders the potential use of the Breakup Card that had been bestowed to her earlier in the drama. This card holds great importance in every relationship. Yu-mi’s ability to recognize her worth allows her to understand that even with the deepest connections one must always be able to walk away from a relationship that is no longer serving her. In her previous relationships, Yu-mi never considered using that card on her own and would therefore stay with someone until her partner broke up with her. In an example of incredible emotional nuance, the drama expertly demonstrates that Yu-mi is only able to break up her relationship with Woong because of the strength and insight that she has gained from her relationship with Woong.
The show’s ending is deeply heartbreaking because it results in Woong and Yu-mi ending their relationship. Yet, their ending does not appear to destroy either one of them which is a refreshing change from the depiction of ongoing trauma and bitterness individuals are meant to experience when relationships end. The conclusion of the drama reinforces an important truth that no one owes you forever in a romantic relationship as it is always conditional on the situation and the individuals involved. Moreover, the variables that seek to keep individuals apart and their willingness to stay together despite these obstacles is exactly what makes love romantic. It isn’t the unconditional promises of “forever" or the societal pressure to “work hard” at relationships but the choice to leave or stay that signifies commitment. This is why I have never understood divorce being characterised as immoral, a failure or even a betrayal. If the person is an asshole they are one whether they are in or out of a relationship with you. Might as well be out or your life! The act of breaking up is also important to the continuity of Yumi’s Cells as a drama, because another, possibly two seasons are promised. While Woong is not a supporting character, as the audience is frequently invited into his emotional landscape; in hindsight, he is mostly used as a comparison to Yu-mi. In the moment, the comparison may be important but ultimately “there is only one lead here”.
When I think of the importance of the Breakup Card, I realize that it isn’t just for breaking up with people. In October, when I had reached my point of emotional saturation again, I decided that I needed to examine my feelings more clearly. Despite the subletter departure, I had never reconnected with my neighbour. I found her response to the situation flippant and I no longer trusted her. My reaction to my experience remained one of anger and resentment even six or seven months later. Anger feels proactive and powerful. It can give some semblance of control. But when I looked closer at my situation, I realized that what I was ultimately feeling wasn’t anger, it was fear (see footnote). My life had completely fallen apart several years before and I had considered it a stroke of luck or a blessing that I had found this apartment. It was big, quiet and affordable. I had often remarked that this place had “saved” me at a terrible moment in my life. I counted my blessings everyday for the first nine months of the pandemic because I lived alone, had room for a home office, a living space and a bedroom which meant that my life was not jumbled together and I was able to get a break from work.
The Breakup Card (Photo courtesy of KDrama Stars and TVING)
I tried hard to focus on how relieved I felt for my living situation but my demand for gratitude also undermined my ability to gain perspective on it. While this apartment is great, it hadn’t got me through tough times. I had. I had navigated the terribleness of previous situations and I had forgotten that I could do it again. In being thankful for the apartment, I had neglected to be thankful for myself. I hadn’t given myself enough credit for my own strength and resourcefulness. So, when my living situation destabilized; it felt like my only salvation was about to be lost (just like before). This is not to dog pile on gratefulness because being thankful is an important exercise, but in this situation, it caused me to cling to the idea that I would only be okay if I had this apartment. It made me willing to put up with crappy things because the idea of losing this place seemed far worse. The truth is, I could find another place and I could be just as happy in it. There would be heartbreak and stress but I could do it and it might even provide me with the opportunity to start over in another city which is something that I had deeply longed for. I needed to realize that I could break up with this apartment in order to be comfortable in it. This realization made me less anxious and less angry.
The ability to walk away from people or things that are important to you is a necessary, albeit painful, lesson. As Yumi’s Cells demonstrates, when we lose the ability to walk away from relationships or places that no longer serve us anymore, we begin to bury our own dreams. In Yu-mi’s village, there is a graveyard for cells that have died. Buried there are primarily cells which represented her hopes and dreams that have been abandoned or forgotten. Yu-mi’s Travel Cell and Writing Cell had been interned there for several years, partially because of her lacking confidence due to her failed relationship. Yet, the worry and guilt she feels about the demise of her past relationship is unwarranted. The relationship didn’t fail because of her; it failed because of the other person’s shortcomings and selfishness. She needed to recognize that her relationships were only part of her life, not the entire thing. When her and Woong decide to take a break, she feels her loneliness most acutely because she has filled all her time and thoughts with her relationship. Luckily, with the support of her work colleagues and the nourishing love of her parents (what a remarkable scene when she visits them!); she is able to resurrect some of her dreams over time. This is not an easy task and requires a specific kind of endurance but ultimately breaking up with someone can be liberating!!! I am in full agreement with a favourite line from the famous podcast, The Read, that states “Break up with him”. This mantra is even on their promotional t-shirt!
Western culture is bad at acknowledging and processing a lot of things: namely, grief, conflict, justice, fairness and atonement. A lot of these things are deeply rooted in the way we process emotion. Many of us either react too impulsively or we interpret our emotions as irrational. Nonetheless, the way we feel about things and the way we process emotions matter immensely. I enjoyed Yumi’s Cells for two reasons. Firstly, it showed the complexity of a human being’s emotional landscape in an entertaining and earnest way, and secondly, it appealed to the audience’s emotions, in a way that probably bordered on the manipulative, but allowed for true outpouring that was very comforting to the viewer…this viewer anyways. There are some emotional blindspots, however, in that I wish hetero male/female relationships were explored more critically and that female friendships were not presented as burdens or threats. While the drama tried to show this debate, ultimately, it never really resolved this tension. Despite Woong and Yu-mi’s disappointing (and kind of frustrating ending), they have a short and civil conversation so they know where each other stand going forward. They don’t try to comfort each which is positive because I believe closure is a grift. Only you can recover from something terrible because only you can make the decision to move on. Another person’s explanations are more likely to be anchors than beacons. One shouldn’t give their ability to move on to someone else because ultimately they will never care about it as much as you do, and may in fact, take solace or enjoy your continued attachment. I don’t mean for this to sound clean or easy because breakups are neither of these things…but they are often necessary and can be far more simple than people make them out to be.
Footnote: Some scholars and practitioners distinguish between primary and secondary emotions to examine different emotional reactions. According to de Azevedo Hanks (2016), “a primary emotion is the one that is felt first (usually a vulnerable or powerless emotion) while a secondary emotions is one that is felt most, or expressed openly and visibly. The secondary emotion’s purpose is to protect our vulnerability” (p. 99).
References
Ahmed, S. (2004). The Cultural Politics of Emotion. Edinburgh University Press.
De Azevedo Hanks, J. (2016). The Assertiveness Guide for Women: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries & Transform Your Relationships. New Harbinger Publications Inc.
Doctor, P. (2015). Inside Out. Walt Disney Pictures.
West, Crissle and Kid Fury. (2021). The Read Podcast. LoudSpeakers Network.
For “Break Up With Him” merchandise: https://theread.bigcartel.com/